ADHD

ADHD. Adult deficit somethin' somethin' somethin'. Much too long of an expression to remember but truth is I have it and have had it even when I wasn't an adult. While I can't be certain when I transitioned from the childhood to the adult version, it was a long time ago.

Remember Ground Hog Day? Bill Murray woke up at exactly the same time every day and fell into a predicatable routine day after day. Not so here. Having a routine is not something that someone with ADHD is familiar with. It seems that every day I wake up to a new world meaning that every day I try to remember where things were the day before. Of course through the years there has been advice galore like, "If you put things in the same place each time, you wouldn't have to remember where they are!" Well that works to some degree but first you have to remember to put things in the same place which is a step before actually putting things in the same place in the first place and in no time at all you are spiraling into an infinite regression (looking yourself in a mirror with a mirror behind you, for example).

Time doesn't feel the same to me either. Time to me resembles the clocks in a Salvador Dali painting - kind of melting into different shapes here and there. I can't tell you how many times I was told to "stay focused" and "pay attention" like really, dude, you would think I knew what those things meant. In my case staying focused means having only ten things on my mind at the same time!!

I truly admire people who can keep their house, car, wallet, closet, garage, drawers, or shoes in order in the same way that I admire anyone who can do a triple backwards flip off a high bar and land on their feet without screaming "I DID IT". Anyone can remember where something is if it's always in the same place, but there's a real knack to finding out anew where everything is, was, or should be. (I know it's here somewhere...give me a sec.)

Of course there are side benefits. I tend to see things in a different light than others and find most situations amusing if not downright hysterical. While this might not be an attribute of ADHD, I like to associate the two trying to find some sunny side to the condition.

My earliest memory of the condition occurred in grade school when our class was selling seed packets. I am not sure I or anyone can remember exactly why we were selling seeds, but we were.

I ventured out with my supply of packets, knocked on the door of my first house and told the lady who answered that I was selling seeds. "Wanna buy some?" Well, before I knew it I was inside her house. She looked at what I had and asked, "How much are they?"

And then it hit me. That's why the teacher had written all the names of the seeds and their price on the chalk board!!!!! I didn't copy them down - to me that would have taken the rest of the school year to accomplish. (Side note: I was also dyslexic. My sister will remember this well. How do you spell "glad"? G-L-A-D. How do you spell "lake"?. G-L-A-K-E. Words melting together like Dali's clocks) Well, the lady was nice enough to notice that each packet had a price on it. She picked several packages out, gave me some money, and off I went.

The end of this story found me at the dining room table relating my day's adventure to my mother and father. I am not quite sure exactly what happened, but I remember my father laughing so hard that tears were pouring from his eyes. Hysterical. That's a good description.

I think what broke it wide open was when I told them that at one of the houses the person buying the seeds didn' t have exact change and asked me if I could give her change of a dollar. I told her I couldn't; she followed with, "I hear some change jingling in your pocket."

"I can't give you that", I replied, "that's the other peoples' money." It's very hard to listen to someone trying to correct you when they are on the verge of throwing up from laughing so hard but I kept insisting, "It WAS the other people's money. What's so funny about that?".

At some point the lesson sunk in but it was a foreshadowing of the challenges that lay ahead of me.

ADHD. Adult deficit somethin' somethin' somethin'.